I am so far from perfect

 

I had a rather sad thing happen today. I called someone with an idea that I was super excited about. So very excited that when it all went through, I was bouncing out of my seat with joy. The person I called to share my excitement was less than receptive to the idea and went so far as to say something hurtful to me. I closed my eyes, looked past the hurt and ended the conversation on what I hoped was a positive note.

Now that I've been off the phone for a couple of hours, I've replayed the conversation several times in my mind. (Don't we all do this at one time or another.) Each time I've come up with a good comeback. Something really cleaver.

A zinger.

In the middle of my vacuuming/plotting I realized something: Every good comeback I wished I'd said was engineered to hurt the other person as much as they had hurt me. Why was I doing this? What good would have come from saying those things? I'll tell you - no good. I know that because my motives were revenge and anger.

It reminded me of the scene in You've got Mail where Meg's character is finally able to tell off Tom's character and then she feels remorse and confesses her sin to her anonymous email love.

Did I really want to feel that way? Did I want remorse in my life? I may have spent an afternoon crafting a comeback, but I am not going to spend a day (or week or longer) full of regret/remorse/guilt. I am free. The only thing keeping me from letting go of this is me. I chose to let it go. Life is too full of people who love me to spend time dwelling on hurtful words.